Jalen was no stranger to instability. Having spent most of his childhood in and out of foster care, Jalen was most familiar with chaos. Turning 18 meant moving out of foster care. Jalen took his social worker’s advice and transitioned into FCNI’s Transitional Housing Placement Program (THPP). As a program participant, he’d learn life skills while living in his own apartment. But Jalen wasn’t exactly dedicated. Having experienced years of trauma and rejection, Jalen felt “wise” to the ways of the world and to people in authority. Existing in almost a constant state of fear and anxiety, Jalen didn’t trust any new opportunity or person—he was sure to only encounter more failure, hurt, and rejection.
Being argumentative with his FCNI team and skipping meetings to avoid accountability became Jalen’s MO. He routinely pushed program limits and was repeatedly caught misusing substances and throwing noisy parties. Surrounded by negative influences he called friends, Jalen put himself at risk of losing his placement in THPP—and his housing. But for Jalen, this was just another “of course” moment; not the “ah ha” one he needed.
But that all changed when his ex-girlfriend told him she was pregnant. The reality that he would soon be someone’s father made Jalen rethink everything: his past, his present, and his future. He sat down with his team and talked through everything, even his fears. The first step, they said, was for Jalen to re-commit himself to the program. Jalen had to understand that his success was dependent on him. For the first time, Jalen felt the real weight of these words.
Every decision he faced was overwhelming: should he get a job or go to school; should he get back together with his ex or just co-parent; what would co-parenting even look like? His case worker, Brett, tried to share the burden of these decisions with Jalen. He reminded him that he had already survived so much on his own, that now, if he was just willing to engage with his support team, he would get help to make good decisions going forward. For the first time, Jalen tried really hard to believe him. Instead of running away, he forced himself to ask for help, over and over again.
Jalen had two goals: he wanted a career not just a job and he wanted to be an involved parent. He explored vocational programs with Brett and started participating in a healthy relationships workshop. He also started meeting with a therapist to address past trauma and learn better coping and communication skills. Jalen’s team watched as he readily utilized new skills and matured by leaps and bounds. When Jalen’s daughter, Lola, was born, his first call was to Brett. By then, he had a full-time position at a grocery store with his sights set on a management role, had completed a parenting course, set up a bank account, and had a shared custody agreement for his daughter. Stronger skills and obtained goals gave Jalen the self-confidence he needed to embrace fatherhood and adulthood and better positioned him to achieve his most important goal ever: to give Lola the stable childhood he never had.
